Broken.report.4.30.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I don't feel good about saying I was abstinent yesterday.  I am struggling badly with soda lately.   I feel so defeated and powerless right now, as silly as it sounds I feel like its not the right "type" of powerlessness. I just got off the phone with Phil and he just plainly said that I keep having the soda because I am addicted to it and the way I am feeling is step one.  I have to face the fact I am addicted to the soda due to the sugar, due to the memories it brings back, due to the way it makes me feel.  It baffles me why I continue to act like this, I mean I KNOW I am a compulsive over eater yet I am baffled at the same time, I am over thinking it WAY too much yet I cannot seem to stop that.

I make my plan of action and I do most of the stuff on it, yet I don't fully utilized the tools like I could be.  One of the things that Phil said that struck me is in the moment before I do an unhealthy action is to pause and use one of the tools, to pray, reach out to others do anything but what I am about to do.  It boggles my mind because before he said it I knew it yet I didn't.  I sat here dreading the call to have to admit I messed up yet again, and I could not tell him "why" I did it.  I keep looking for some outside reason, like there must be something more to it than the truth.  I am a compulsive over eater that is powerless over food.  I like to play games and fool myself that drink isn't "food" its not doing anything to anyone else but myself.  I am going to focus on program today, and use the tools at every available opportunity.

Plan of Action
Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to the plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Reach out to others
read program material
listen to speaker file & take notes

Whiskey in the Jar.report.4.29.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I am not drinking enough water and tend to grab the odd soda here and there, that is one monkey I cannot seem to shake, yet continues to be something I work on everyday, I am going to start praying about it to ask for the power to put it down and stay away.  Aside from that my day was well, my food went according to plan

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to the plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before after meals
Read recovery readings
Make a recovery call
Read a few more pages on We Agnostics in the BB
Clean up 1 thing in my room
Listen to a speaker file on We Agnostics

I won't forget you.report.4.28.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I don't feel right about saying I was abstinent yesterday.  I went off my plan on my snack and my supper.  For snack I had some toast with honey on it, that was not what I had planned for my snack.  At supper I had chicken legs and I helped myself to 2 extra ones

Today I will focus on eating my meals as I have them planned, with the portions that I have planned out.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to the plan and with the portions sizes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Call 2 people and see how they are doing
Read program materials, read a few pages in the big book as part of my step homework
listen to a speaker file on We Agnostics
Clean up a section of my room
Prepare my laundry

my grat-words.4.27.14

I am grateful for my abstince
I am grateful for my HP
I am grateful for the gift of this day
I am grateful for my sponsors
I am grateful for my mom
I am to know gratitude


" We have a choice; our faith can shape us or we can shape our faith. I am who I am today because I allowed my faith to shape, mold, and refine me as a man."
Copyright © 2008 Darrell Boswell



" Dreams. That's what our future is made of."
Written in 2004 by Borrys Hasian --- Malaysia

" There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your truth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me.'"
Andre Gide


brought to you by: www.motivateus.com

who made who.repot.4.27.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful, recovering COE  I was abstinent yesterday.

I had a good day yesterday, didn't get much accomplished but it was good.

Plan of Action

Submit meal plan
stick to plan report any changes
call phil
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
reach out to others
read program material
listen to speaker file

paradise city.report.4.26,14

Good afternoon

My name is Greg I am a grateful  recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I had a decent day yesterday, did good with my food.  I went to another program meeting last night, it was good to listen to other people and how they are struggling, reminds me to be grateful of what I have. I was a little uncomfortable at what I deemed “cross talk”  but rather than judgmental I tried to just  share my own experience, overall it was a good experience

Plan of Action

Submit meal plan

Stick to the plan report any changes

Call Phil

Pray before/after  meals

Text Phil  before/after meals

Reach out to others

Read program material

Be of service

River Queen.report.4.25.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I did ok with my food yesterday, I was in a pretty foul mood and upset with my mom for no good reason.  I was just resentful and angry, I had no
justification and I am not sure why.  She invited me to go to my sisters to visit and I decided to go along.  Somewhere along the way I loosened up a bit.  We had a good visit and I got to hold my nephew for a little while.

Its about 1 am and I am pretty tired but I cannot sleep, so I decided to come to work.

I went to bed late and I got a call from someone about the program.  I ended up talking to this person, well listening for about an hour when I was able to say I needed to go.  They seem enthusiastic and said they would come every week, I said that I would resume the meetings every week if they could attend.

Plan of action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to the plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others
Read recovery materials
Work on my goals

Fare thee well.report.4.24.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

I did ok with my food yesterday, however my mood was foul.  It was one of those days where my mom breathing was irritating to me, I am not sure why.

I wonder if it has something to do with being controlling and codependent.  She is starting to feel a bit better due to stopping a few medications so she is a bit "clearer"  Which means she can go do things on her own without me.  Really its a good thing because it means I don't have to spend my time and day taking her around.  I am not sure if this is the case or not, I don't feel like it is however I don't know why else I am more irritated than usual with her as of late.

I am going to focus on keeping to myself and working on my own projects, program and work stuff and just staying out of conflict

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others
Listen to speaker file
Work on weekend show.

jessies.girl.report.4.23.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesteray.   I discovered and turned over to my sponsor there is something I thought i could eat but after drinking this straight out of the jar (its not a beverage) I realized I cannot have it.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
reach out to others, make 2 recovery calls
listen to speaker file
read program material
be of service to mom
work on weekend show

carry on my wayward son.report.4.22.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Again not much to say to day, just getting through it one foot in front of the other

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others be of service, make 2 recovery calls
Read program material
Listen to 1 speaker file

Bad Company.report.4.21.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Not much to report today, had a great step work session with Phil yesterday, we read lots of great things I really needed to hear.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit Meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes to Phil
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others by phone, make 2 recovery calls
Read program material
Listen to 1 speaker file
Work on my weekend program and career goals

turn the page.report.4.20.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.  Not really much to say this morning, I am going to focus on accomplishing my program goals today as well as straightening up my area.  I deservie to live in a clutter free and neat living space yet I don't do it for myself, I am going to work on changing that



Plan of Action

Pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan report any changes
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
call Phil
reach out to others via the phone, make 2 calls
read program material
chair a meeting
work on my step work with phil

forever young.report.4.19.14

Good afteroon

My name is Greg, i am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.  Not a bad day yesterday, did the best I could to remain calm and peaceful.  I reached out to others. 

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
stick to the plan and report any changes
call phil
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
reach out to others via phone/text/email
listen to speaker file
read program literature

kickstart my heart.4.17.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I continued to have slippery behavior yesterday picking at food while cooking or preparing, I was mindful and stopped the behavior when I noticed it.

It was a long and tiring day yesterday; I was still not quite recovered from the previous day and waiting for the birth of my nephew.  It’s going to be another long one today as we must travel down country to some appointments.  I have my meal plan set in place, I am taking food with me, I simply need to stick to the plan and all will be well.

These trips can be a bit tedious as I get a bit grumpy when I am tired; however I am working on being mindful and reacting in a peaceful manner

Plan of Action

Pray (yes I did)

Submit Meal Plan (done)

Stick to the plan as written report any changes or ask for help if needed

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Call Phil

Reach out to others

Read positive Materials

never again.report.4.16.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Was a long, tiring, beautiful day yesterday, my nephew Jackson was born about 8pm last night was a great moment for our family.
I had some slippery behavior yesterday as I drank a specific brand of soda, and it hit me why I am drawn to that brand.  When I was a kid I worked with my step-father during the summer, was not enjoyable for me but it had to be done.  We used to have coffee breaks a few times during the day and this particular brand of soda was his favorite so we had it.  I remember the feeling of having it on a hot day and how good it was.  It suddenly dawned on me last night what the attraction is, well aside from being sugar in a bottle, but it’s one of the few happy memories I have associated with my step-father.  When my brothers are around I feel a strong pull to consume this beverage, it’s certainly not their fault by any means but I now understand the behavior a bit better

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Call Phil
Reach out to others by phone
Reach Program Materials
Listen to Speaker Files

Down Boys.report.4.15.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE I was abstinent yesterday.  I did not binge yesterday but I did have some slippery behavior which I discussed with Phil.  The craving for something sweet or unhealthy is extremely strong, almost unbearable at times.  I reached out to others and read some readings and prayed for help and I got through.  It’s going to be an exciting day as my nephew is being born sometime in the next few hours

Plan of action

Pray

Submit meal plan

Stick to plan report any changes

Call Phil

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Reach out to others

Do readings

Listen to speaker file

Fallen Angel.report.4.11.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.  It was not a bad day overall, spent a little too much time in the car with someone *Chuckles* aside from that it wasn’t bad.  The day started off on a sour note.  I had an appointment at 11:45 and it’s about an hour away.   I had wanted to leave about 10:15 to ensure we had ample time to get there. 

  I got EXTREMELY frustrated as mom gets off track and distracted by things, hence we ended up leaving 45 minutes late.  I was soooo p**** about it but I tried not to grumble that much, however I was visibly displeased.  My sister is up because we are having a baby shower for my other sister this weekend, my mom will go with her today up country and I will have the house to myself!!  *extreme sigh of pleasure*  I need to figure out how to pencil in time for myself, going to work or to Walmart just doesn’t give me the space and relaxation I need.  The places I would go to seek refuge are my brothers houses, however when I go there she always wants to go in order to see the family, and then it turns into an affair of being late, behind schedule and my mini stress breaking vacation is anything but.

I accomplished most but not all of my goals yesterday, I did not make as many phone calls as I had wanted and did not listen to a speaker file.  I will refocus on that today, I know if I keep refocusing on it day after day that eventually I will fall into a routine and these things will be done without much of a second thought

Plan of action

Pray

Submit meal plan

Stick to my plan and report any changes

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Call Phil

Reach out to others

Read program material or quotes

Listen to speaker materials

Put finishing touches on my weekend show

somebody save me.report.4.10.14

Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I did slip a little bit as I was picking out of some food that was prepared for future meals, I realized what I was doing and quickly put it away.

Not much to say this morning, I did not get as much accomplished yesterday as I had intended.  I did not take enough action in my program, they day was busy and it got away from me.  I realize that this cannot continue to be a regular thing or my program will get away from me.  I am on the road all day today, however I can make calls while I am out, well not when I am driving ;)  I can also listen to a speaker file via a handheld device.

Plan of action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan as written report any changes
call Phil
pray before/after meals
text Phil before/after meals
reach out to others by phone (make 2 recovery calls)
read recovery material
listen to recovery speakers

Life won't wait.report.4.9.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.
Life is funny at times, there are always small ways that it reminds me how fleeting it is.  I just watched the WWE Hall of Fame induction the other night.  I grew up watching wrestling and I really love some of the characters, The Ultimate Warrior was always fun to watch.

  For many years he feuded with the management of WWE over various things, however all that was put aside and they made peace and he was there to be inducted into the hall of fame.  He spoke for quite a while, which is nothing new to him he is a motivational speaker.  A lot of what he had to say really resonated with me, I book marked his page so I could go back to it and read it later, but his message was very positive.  I got to work this morning and on the front page of Yahoo news it said that he passes away at the age of 54.  I was shocked, I am not sure why I did not "know" the man, I enjoyed watching him perform but for some reason it really gave me pause and made me stop and think.

 We never know how much time we have, today could be my last day, I just never know.  The one thing that stood out to me was he said that Dreams can come true IF you are willing to put the work in.  That really seemed to echo in my head, putting the work in.
 That is something I have heard from both my sponsors and numerous speakers in program, Do the work, this is not a program for lazy people; this is a program of Action. That is what is on my mind today, doing the work.

I will reflect and figure out how I can make a plan so that I am doing the work every day.  I do work the program on a daily basis; however I am always feeling like I can do more.  It’s not in a compulsive or self doubting kind of way, I know deep down that I have more to give to the program, and yet I do not do it; hence I do not gain the rewards of doing the work.
I commit today to doing the work to finishing my plan of action list and not let things slide like I have so many times before.  Today I will take action; today I will do the work.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to my plan and report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Reach out to others by phone, make at least 2 calls
Listen to speaker files and report to Phil I am ready to move forward with step work.
Continue to prep my weekend show by listening to music and putting together my script.
Read 5 pages in my software manual
Create alarms on my phone to help me keep on track

dr feel good.report.4.8.14

Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.  I had a pretty good day, I have no complaints ;)  I received a phone call from a program person and we had a very nice talk.  We agreed to check in with each other on a daily basis to share ESH.  I also was able to pick up another program person and get them out of the house and into the nice weather we had yesterday.  I was able to talk to someone at Wal-Mart who was interested in program and what it was about.  I always struggle to find the words when people ask me that question, I stood there for a moment without anything to say, and then I just started talking about my program.

  Once I got the gate open things seemed to come out.  I believe that I gave a good enough explanation of what the program means to me and what it can do.  I was fortunate enough that the other person I was with is a 12 step brother as well and was able to add some to the conversation.  I do have to grin because like a lot of people this person held onto the notion that if we have a craving we MUST indulge it once in a while, so if we want a XXXX we must have a XXXX from time to time.

 I find that the biggest crock of bull s*** I have ever heard in my life *chuckles*  At one time I thought that was a FANTASTIC idea, YES if it helps with the craving then by all means.  Now I know the difference and explained that a trigger food is a trigger food for me, just because i can eat one piece of something every day for a year doesn't mean I can handle it.  It just means I was extremely lucky, I also explained that in the right circumstances I can manage my food, but it’s a fragile manageability at best. For instance over the weekend I was offered a desert at my sisters, it was sugar free and for a few moments I mulled it over in my mind thinking “well you know if I just have one it will be ok” which led to, well 2 wouldn’t hurt and I won’t be taking any home with me.

 When it came time I politely refused, I felt good about myself and then proceeded to start thinking about what “treat” I would get myself for avoiding this pitfall.  Of course I realized that wasn’t the way to go either and I was able to avoid those things.  Had I indulged in the dessert I would have been fine, if my trigger foods are moderated I can indeed eat them without binging, PROVIDING I only have access to a serving.  Now if I have access to a whole box or plate of something sooner or later I will eat all of it  So I do not allow myself the luxury of thinking I got this, if I did I wouldn’t weight over 400 pounds currently.  I did not tell the person they were wrong, I did strongly say that I don’t agree with that philosophy of we MUST indulge in order to prevent us from doing crazy later (that whole thing is amusing as anything to me)  I explained that I could eat XXX everyday for a year and be fine, but as soon as I took an entire XXX home with me, game over.

Plan of Action

Pray

Submit meal plan

Stick to plan as written

Call Phil

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Reach out to others

Read positive materials

Listen to speaker file

Work on my weekend show