The One and Only.report.8.31.13

**food mentioned**

Good afternoon
I hope your weekend is going well.

Yesterday was not a good day for me, I am really unsure why. Nothing specific is going on. I did not feel well as usual, and I was in a considerable amount of pain. I tend to not binge anymore I just do these little picks here and there. Like with the soda, I have a soda here and there, I no longer consume whole pizza's or large amounts of Chinese food. I don't understand the small slips, the make no sense to me. It’s like I am almost there, yet I still act out in these small ways.

I started my day off today with meditation and prayer. I will work to do things for my recovery every hour through the day. I am confident that today will be a good day. Despite the actions I took yesterday, I did not start off with prayer and meditation. I cannot be sure but it seems to me those days I don't do so well.

Goals for the day

pray/meditate (done)
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before and after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray

Bobcaygeon.report.8.30.13

**food mentioned*

Good afternoon I hope this finds you well

I most of my day yesterday was good.  I had a couple of pop corn balls as a snack.  It was not planned, It’s something I have not had in years and it sounded good.  I rationalized they were low in calories so it wouldn’t hurt.  I realize I cannot afford to let my sick mind rationalize such things for me.  The rest of the day aside from that was good.

My caloric intake for yesterday was 2621

My goals for the day

pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor  before/after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray

come on feel the noise.report.8.29.13

**Food Mentioned**

Good morning
I hope you had a good day yesterday, and this finds you well this morning.

I was not abstinent yesterday, damn soda again. Someone else bought it and offered it, I did not even bat an eye before accepting and consuming it. I do not blame the other person for this, I will inform them I cannot have soda, and I will refuse it next time.  It was another snap decision; there really wasn't any train of thought at the time.  Someone offered me my favorite soda and I took it without blinking.  I don't believe there was any rationalization going on in my head; I saw it and drank it.  It’s so frustrating to keep hitting my head against the same wall over, and over again.  It’s not the first time I have repeated the same behavior, however with help from my sponsors and my Higher Power I have put those behaviors down and not picked them up again.  Not that I think I won't ever do it again, I know I am capable of doing it if I let my guard down for a second.

I went to a meeting yesterday in another program.  A friend was celebrating her 15 years.  It felt good to be there amidst recovery even if it wasn't for my main issue which is food.  I am going to attend at least one of those meetings a week.

I am going to focus hard on the soda issue and work to stay away from it at all costs.  I am also going to start looking more closely at my food in an effort to stay away from anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, and sugar in general.

My calories for the day were 3120.  The ice tea I have been drinking is not reduced calorie as I originally thought its full strength and loaded with High Fructose Corn Syrup.  I need to stop drinking these immediately.  Were it not for these empty liquid calories I would have come in at about 2500 for the day.

Action plan for the day

pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after each meal
text my food sponsor before/after each meal
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray

Up around the bend.8.28.13

**Food Mentioned*

Good morning

I hope you are well this morning

My day was good yesterday.  I emailed my mom apologizing for my behavior the day before.  I am able to better communicate by writing out my thoughts sometimes.  She apologized for her behavior as well, and both agreed to work on our interactions

My food was good yesterday, I started to say I was abstinent but I did have a slip.  For a snack yesterday afternoon I had a biscuit with honey on it.  I didn't over indulge on either thing, but it was something that sounded good, I wanted it so I had it.  Neither honey nor biscuits are on my trigger/binge list, but still for whatever reason I feel I needed to disclose it.  I actually had to think about it for a minute, initially I didn't feel like it needed to be mentioned, but I wasn't sure.

My sponsor always told me if I wasn’t sure chances are I wasn’t doing the right thing, doing the right thing is always crystal clear food wise, when in doubt go without.  Aside from that the rest of my day went well and according to plan.

 I was a little upset in the afternoon.  We have a home care person that comes in to help with things.  Part of my plan is to have her prepare and portion out my meals, it’s often difficult for me to stick with portion sizes on some things, however if it’s done for me I usually do pretty well. 

She wasn't paying attention and ended up overcooking and borderline burning my pork chops : /  They are meant to last me multiple meals, I can't throw them away, well I can but then I won't have anything for those meals, I cannot replace them at this point.  I let it go, but then I did grumble a bit at supper time when I had them again.  I didn't go off the deep end which I have before, or am capable of doing.  I feel kind of proud that I didn't lose it over it, it was frustrating but I told myself it wasn’t the end of the world and I have certainly eaten worse. 

Goals for the day 

Pray

submit meal plan (done)

pray before/after my meals

text my food sponsor before/after my meals

pray

be of service where I can

do something for my recovery every hour

attend a noon AA meeting, a friend is celebrating

pray

So far away.report.8.27.13

**Food Mentioned**

Good morning
I hope you are well today.  I had a pretty decent day yesterday; my calories for the day were 2445.  They would have been lower but I have been having an issue with soda as of late. I have been deceptive because I have not mentioned it to anyone, I rationalize it as "not a big deal” There was no need for it, I was not experiencing any sort of diabetic emergency or anything of that nature.  Actually I was using them as meal replacements of sorts.  I have had a few days where I have gone way to long between meals and I was not going to be home anytime soon.  I grabbed a soda to get me by for a few hours.  I did not intentionally plan it this way so I could indulge in a soda, although when selecting a soda it was totally compulsive, I picked out a soda I remember from my childhood that brought me happy memories, and honestly it tasted fantastic.

I still realize I cannot have it.  If for any reason I need something I will use orange or apple juice from now on, I will not look to soda for anything.   I will add that to my trigger/binge list.  I think I already put it on there, but if I did I need to re-affirm it to myself, and if I didn't then it needs to be on there.  If I had not had 2 sodas’ I would have been at about 1900 calories for the day.  Although it did taste good, it was 500 useless, empty calories.  The next time I even think about picking up a soda I will text my food sponsor or pray, or both.

Goals for the day
Pray
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before/after meals
Text ,my food sponsor l before/after meals (I got side tracked and did not text him before lunch; however I did before/after breakfast/supper)
Pray
Be of service where I can
Do something for my recovery every hour
Pray

Fade to black.report.8.26.13

(Email I sent to my sponsor this morning)

Good morning

I hope this finds you well today.

Yesterdays calories were 1870.  My caloric goals on a daily basis are between 2000-2400.  That will give me a 3-4 pound a week weight loss if I can maintain within that range.  I was not successful at texting my food sponsor before and after every meal yesterday. 

 I did before hand but go distracted and did not after lunch.  I did not have any supper last night.  i got up late, had breakfast, and then by the time lunch time rolled around it was pretty much my supper time, I was in bed not long after supper.  I was abstinent yesterday

Goals for today:

Pray

Submit meal plan (done)

Pray before/after my meals

Text my food sponsor before/after meals

Pray

Be of service where I can

Do something for my recovery every hour

Clouds.report.8.23.13

Good morning

I hope this finds you well and that you had a good day yesterday
my day was pretty darn good.  The only deviation I had was a mountain dew.  I did not properly plan my snacks between lunch and breakfast and I was out on the road and started getting a bad headache and started feeling dizzy.

I took my 7 year old niece out to see some horses at my friends house.  I was in a rush and forgot to take snack.

My food the rest of my day was great, I ate exactly how I was supposed to.  I count yesterday as being abstinent.  I reported my food to my food sponsor, I didn't have any snacking issues at night time.  It feels good to be abstinent.

I had a pretty good day with mom, no commotion or anything like that, the prayers my sponsor sent me helped out a lot



Goals for the day

Pray and meditate
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before/after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
work on my recovery by taking a recovery action every hour of my day
pray

Sailing the 7 seas.report.8.21.13

Good morning

I hope you had a good day yesterday

My day was not bad.  I still couldn't sleep well.  I took a brief nap yesterday morning, I really didn't sleep I just tossed and turned.  I was up late last night I didn't fall asleep till well after 10 and I was awake at 3, I reset the alarm for 4 but really just drifted in and out it didn't give me any rest.

I did some recovery readings, I read something one of my sponsors posted on Facebook that was very profound and helpful for me Ill share it here

8 things you must give up to find peace


The recovery readings I did yesterday seemed to tie into that, it’s amazing to me when different parts of my life intersect and seem to fit together, coming from totally different directions.  It’s pretty cool


Goals for the day
Pray
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before/after my meals
Text my food sponsor before/after my meals
Be of service
Pray
Do something for my recovery every hour

With or without you.report.8.20.13

Good morning

I hope this finds you well.  I am ok this morning, which is odd because I didn't sleep for crap last night.   I was exhausted yesterday, couldn't wait for sleep.  I got into bed and tossed and turned all night.  I took my pain meds before bed I figured they would help with the pain and knock me out, they didn't do anything, and I didn’t sleep more than a few hours the whole night

I got up a bit late, about 4 am.  I didn't feel crappy at the moment; I did a quick meditation and prayed then left for work.  I am kind of tired and have a bit of headache right now but otherwise I am well, trying not to think ahead to the inevitable crash coming *chuckles*

I had about 2300 calories yesterday, that’s about 300 than I would like



My goals for today

Pray

Submit meal plan (done)

Pray before and after my meals

Text food sponsor before and after my meals

Be of service where i can

Pray

Do something for my recovery every hour

Say it isn't so.report.8.19.13

Good morning I hope this finds you well.

I am doing alright this morning.  I don't feel fantastic but I don't feel horrible either.
My weekend was good and bad.  I already covered the stuff that happened Saturday.  Yesterday things kind of worked out, my mom and I talked a little bit.  I realized I have deep seeded resentment against her for my childhood.

 I didn't really think I did or that I let that stuff go, but it’s still there.  I have some work to do on the subject as with all things in my life.
This weekend was the first time I was really able to start taking the pain medication my Dr gave me.  it does help to dull the pain out which I really needed after my yard work expedition on Saturday.  It does not totally take the pain away from me but it helps.  I feel very fortunate that these types of drugs don't hold the same type of lure they do for other addicts.  They bring me no pleasure what so ever, they never have.  Sitting in my chair like a zombie with a swirling head and a slight headache is not my idea of a good time.

I feel proud of myself I got up and started my day off with some meditation and prayer, I wish I had gotten up about 10 minutes earlier, my 5 minutes of meditation didn't really cut it.  I have been doing it for 10 minutes but I slept in a bit today.  I’ll try and set the alarm for a few minutes earlier tomorrow to make sure I can do my 10 minutes.  I also did my vocal training.  I got my meal plan sent to my food sponsor.  I feel pretty good about this stuff, I am off to a strong start.

Goals for the day
pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after meals
text my food sponsor before/after meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour, use my phone to help with this
pray

The Sun always shines on TV.report.8.18.13

Good afternoon

It’s not been a great weekend for me, I am still alive and kicking so that’s good J  I had written a long letter to my sponsor about what I have been dealing with but I am not going to share it like I normally do, I don’t think it’s necessary to put all that stuff out there, I got it out to my sponsor that is good enough.  I will say I am having a lot of pain issues this weekend.  I am also going through some stuff at home that I am not dealing well with, I have been reacting explosively and not in a very good manner. 

 There are certain things about my home life that I cannot really change and I do not currently deal well with so I am going to work on dealing with those things better and “change the things I can”  hmmm maybe that means I have a little wisdom today *chuckles* in the grand scheme of things no one died, no one is hurt, I still have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, gas in the car, the car runs, I have internet and a computer to email.  All that crap is just that its crap, it’s done and other with and I kind of feel a bit better now, actually I am in pain and my batter is starting to wear down so I am tired *chuckles* but I’ll take it, better to feel a little tired than angry and on the war path.  The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing and life it alright.  I hope everyone’s weekend has been good, enjoy the rest of your day

Kryptonite.report.8.17.13

Good morning and happy Saturday

I was abstinent yesterday, which means I didn't over eat or eat trigger foods
not much to say today, enjoy your weekend

Goals for day
Pray
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before/after meals
Text phil before/after meals
Be of service
Work on my recovery

Living on a Prayer.report.8.15.13

Good morning

I hope this finds you well today.  It’s one of those days already *chuckles* I feel like crap, but I got up and went to work. Sleep still eludes me and it throws off my morning routine, which in turn seems to throw off the rest of my day.  When I am able to rise early enough I can meditate and pray and that seems to help put my day on a positive track.  When I do not sleep well or am not able to get to sleep till later at night and I only get 4-5 hours or less I sleep right up until post time, which means I get up 5 minutes before I walk out the door for work, I can pray in the car and do some breathing in the car, however it doesn't seem to have the same effect of kick starting my day with the proper way.  I am foolishly pinning all my hopes on my DR's solution to put me on the sleep medication that will hopefully allow me to get the proper amount of sleep and get up at a decent hour so I can do what I need to do before work.  I would like to rise about 2 or 3 am.  That would give me time to do what I have to do before leaving for work about 4, which would in turn give me sufficient time to get my news prepared and laid down and I wouldn’t feel rushed.

But I am up and at it, so it is what it is

Goals

pray

submit meal plan

stick to plan

pray before/after meals

text phil/before after meals

be of service

work on my recovery as much as possible