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Its day 1 of 2013. Will this be any different than yesterday? That depends on the actions I take today. I struggle with many health problems, I teeter on the edge of self-destruction, can I pull myself back? My life is broken, and I need to find the strength and courage to fix it. My physical, spiritual, and mental states are in shambles from years of addiction and self abuse. Food is my main drug of choice and it is killing me. My body is slowly breaking down due to the food abuse. If I have any hope of seeing tomorrow I need to start taking actions now. I welcome you to follow me on this journey as I struggle to find my way, to silence the demons within me, and find peace and serenity in my life. I can do this IF I am willing to put the work into it. I will share my trials and tribulations, success's and failures. Perhaps I can find a way to save my own life, and if it can help someone else with the same struggles, it would make it all the better This will be a chronicle of my journey to better health, better life, and happiness.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Up around the bend.8.28.13



**Food Mentioned*

Good morning
I hope you are well this morning
My day was good yesterday.  I emailed my mom apologizing for my behavior the day before.  I am able to better communicate by writing out my thoughts sometimes.  She apologized for her behavior as well, and both agreed to work on our interactions

My food was good yesterday, I started to say I was abstinent but I did have a slip.  For a snack yesterday afternoon I had a biscuit with honey on it.  I didn't over indulge on either thing, but it was something that sounded good, I wanted it so I had it.  Neither honey nor biscuits are on my trigger/binge list, but still for whatever reason I feel I needed to disclose it.  I actually had to think about it for a minute, initially I didn't feel like it needed to be mentioned, but I wasn't sure.

My sponsor always told me if I wasn’t sure chances are I wasn’t doing the right thing, doing the right thing is always crystal clear food wise, when in doubt go without.  Aside from that the rest of my day went well and according to plan.

 I was a little upset in the afternoon.  We have a home care person that comes in to help with things.  Part of my plan is to have her prepare and portion out my meals, it’s often difficult for me to stick with portion sizes on some things, however if it’s done for me I usually do pretty well. 

She wasn't paying attention and ended up overcooking and borderline burning my pork chops : /  They are meant to last me multiple meals, I can't throw them away, well I can but then I won't have anything for those meals, I cannot replace them at this point.  I let it go, but then I did grumble a bit at supper time when I had them again.  I didn't go off the deep end which I have before, or am capable of doing.  I feel kind of proud that I didn't lose it over it, it was frustrating but I told myself it wasn’t the end of the world and I have certainly eaten worse. 

Goals for the day 
Pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after my meals
text my food sponsor before/after my meals
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
attend a noon AA meeting, a friend is celebrating
pray

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