(letter to my sponsor this morning)
Good morning James
I hope this finds you well.
I had a great day yesterday right up until the end. My food was great for most of the day. I texted Phil with my food. I didn't feel much like lunch so I had a light lunch of fruit and veggies which was good.
Where I tripped up was at the very end of my day I found something I should not have had. We have a box of dried cereal that is sitting in the kitchen waiting to be given away to someone. A few boxes of the cereal looked good and I wanted to try them. I avoided them all day with relative ease. I got into trouble when I spied a box of "diet" snacks" they were little sugar free cookies. I let the excuse of stress allow me to reach out and grab it. I had done a pretty good job of being patient and helpful with mom. She was kind of bent out of shape due to feeding time with the cats, we have 5 and they can be "challenging" at supper time. I let myself feed into her anxiety. I had done a pretty good job up until that point, I am in NO way saying it’s her fault at all, this is all on me. I should have asked for the box of food to be moved elsewhere. It’s still a bit of sore spot of having stuff in the house that is a trigger or temptation for me when we don't need it there. It’s not even being used by us it just sits there waiting for someone to pick it up. She has someone in mind it’s just a matter of meeting up with them. It shouldn't be there to begin with, we both have similar issues with similar types of food yet week after week this stuff is brought it. But that’s my resentment to deal with, it’s my issue that I grabbed the box of cookies and ate them. I did pray multiple times, and I even picked up the box and put it down several times. I had a difficult time opening the box and the cookies themselves but still I pushed forward till I got what I wanted. The one thing I didn't do that was screaming in my head was to use my phone for help. I talked myself out of that because part of me wanted to eat them, then again I didn't really want too. I think I ate them because it’s what I have always done. It wasn't the same type of compulsive behavior as I have experienced in the past. I mean it was but it was kind of like compulsive light. I almost avoid the situation and I almost picked up the phone to call, not that almost really amounts to a hill a beans. I don't think I can really explain what I am thinking at this point. All I can say is it never should have happened and I am very disappointed that I didn't use my tools to help myself. I do feel confident; I guess I have faith that next time my HP and I will do what is necessary to avoid the temptations.
Goals for today
PRAY
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to meal plan as written
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Be of service where I can
Pray
Do something for my recovery every hour of my day
Work on my vocal training
Work on cleaning up my space upstairs, create a plan and do it in manageable steps.
Pray
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