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Its day 1 of 2013. Will this be any different than yesterday? That depends on the actions I take today. I struggle with many health problems, I teeter on the edge of self-destruction, can I pull myself back? My life is broken, and I need to find the strength and courage to fix it. My physical, spiritual, and mental states are in shambles from years of addiction and self abuse. Food is my main drug of choice and it is killing me. My body is slowly breaking down due to the food abuse. If I have any hope of seeing tomorrow I need to start taking actions now. I welcome you to follow me on this journey as I struggle to find my way, to silence the demons within me, and find peace and serenity in my life. I can do this IF I am willing to put the work into it. I will share my trials and tribulations, success's and failures. Perhaps I can find a way to save my own life, and if it can help someone else with the same struggles, it would make it all the better This will be a chronicle of my journey to better health, better life, and happiness.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

come on feel the noise.report.8.29.13



**Food Mentioned**

Good morning
I hope you had a good day yesterday, and this finds you well this morning.

I was not abstinent yesterday, damn soda again. Someone else bought it and offered it, I did not even bat an eye before accepting and consuming it. I do not blame the other person for this, I will inform them I cannot have soda, and I will refuse it next time.  It was another snap decision; there really wasn't any train of thought at the time.  Someone offered me my favorite soda and I took it without blinking.  I don't believe there was any rationalization going on in my head; I saw it and drank it.  It’s so frustrating to keep hitting my head against the same wall over, and over again.  It’s not the first time I have repeated the same behavior, however with help from my sponsors and my Higher Power I have put those behaviors down and not picked them up again.  Not that I think I won't ever do it again, I know I am capable of doing it if I let my guard down for a second.

I went to a meeting yesterday in another program.  A friend was celebrating her 15 years.  It felt good to be there amidst recovery even if it wasn't for my main issue which is food.  I am going to attend at least one of those meetings a week.

I am going to focus hard on the soda issue and work to stay away from it at all costs.  I am also going to start looking more closely at my food in an effort to stay away from anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, and sugar in general.

My calories for the day were 3120.  The ice tea I have been drinking is not reduced calorie as I originally thought its full strength and loaded with High Fructose Corn Syrup.  I need to stop drinking these immediately.  Were it not for these empty liquid calories I would have come in at about 2500 for the day.

Action plan for the day

pray
submit meal plan (done)
pray before/after each meal
text my food sponsor before/after each meal
pray
be of service where I can
do something for my recovery every hour
pray

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