**Food Mentioned** please skip if mention of specific food
triggers you **Food Mentioned**
Good morning
I hope this finds you well.
Yesterday was a decent enough day for me; It made 10 days abstinent and thankfully I was
able to reach out to Phil to avert a near disaster. I had a strong craving for chocolate chip
cookie dough yesterday. I made my
shopping list and had the person that comes into assist us go get the things we
needed for the house, as well as the cookie dough.
Most of the time this person does things their own way
regardless of how I want things done which
Annoys the crap out of me, yesterday it actually benefited
me however I was still upset.
When they came back from the store they proceeded to cover
each item they purchased. I was quickly
putting things away; I left the cookie dough for last intending on grabbing it
and taking it upstairs with me. Well I
turned around for a split second and next thing I know She has it in her handing
holding it up trying to tell me why she bought the brand she bought, I told her
it was fine and reached for it and she kept trying to explain the purchase, despite
my repeated statements that it was fine and to just give it to me. We she finished her speech at which point I
was not pleased, my mom grabbed it and said "oh you don't need that give
it to me" at which point I got really pissed, grabbed it and threw it in
the fridge. I went upstairs to sulk and
stew about it. I knew at that point I
wasn’t going to eat it that I needed to return it to the store. In order to cover my bets I texted
Phil to let him know of my near slip, the phone instantly
rang at which point I rolled my eyes but I
answered it anyways, I was still in sulking mode and not
ready to deal with it, but thankfully Phil
believes in dealing with things head on. We discussed the reasons for buying it, which
was "I wanted it" he asked me where it was I told him in the fridge
and I was going to return it, he said "no go get
it and put it in the sink". I said ok I will, he said "no
now" I said that someone was doing
dishes,
he said "that’s fine tell them you can get in there its
important" I was fearful at that point, I don't
mind admitting to program people my mistakes and weakness's
but I really didn't want "normal" people
involved, despite the fact I already involved this person on
the sly. I went downstairs and
thankfully the kitchen was empty so I got the roll of dough out, slit it long
ways and peeled it open.
I covered it in
Palmolive dish liquid and then squished it in, and then Phil had me run water
over it to ensure that I could not salvage any of it later. I then threw it away. I felt both good and bad when done. It felt good that I didn't throw away 8 days
of abstinence over something as worthless as that, but it still felt uncomfortable
inside, but I dealt with it.
I was able to a short time later give service of my
own. I have a person who calls me from
time to time for advice. Admittedly it
makes me a hair bit resentful and I roll my eyes when the call comes in yet I
answer it 99% of the time, other people make time when I call its my
responsibility when someone else calls.
I am not this persons sponsor but they call me to help them figure out
what to eat for supper or talk about the challenges they are going
through. I usually never have more to
offer then what has been shared with me by my sponsors or my own experience
which is how it should be.
This person has a rough home life and is responsible for
shopping and preparing meals for the family, they must have trigger foods in
the house, and shop for those triggers foods due to others in the house wanting
them. It is simple to just tell them to
let others do the shopping or cooking however that doesn't work in this
situation they are forced into that roll.
They needed to go to the store yesterday and were worried
about buying things that trigger them due to high anxiety they were
experiencing. I whipped out some
wonderful advice my sponsor gave me, Make a list, put NO IMPULSE BUYING at the
top, get in, get what you need and get out.
They were very skeptical they could get it done. I said look call me if you run into trouble,
if you make a list, if you follow the list you will have no problems. I got a call a short time later, I asked how
they were doing "wellllll" I kind of figure that maybe things had
taken a wrong turn, but they had not.
The person was standing in an isle that is full of trigger foods because
they needed something on their list in there and did not think they could pull
it off. I asked if they picked up
anything not on the list yet, they said no, I said GREAT then keep going, you
can do this, I believe in you. Despite
being very skeptical they agreed and hung up.
A short time later the phone rang again, they had competed the shopping
but due to physical reasons had to sit down outside the store for a while
before making the trip home, they were still very worried about picking
up. I said look you did it!!! You go
through, you didn't buy anything not on the list GREAT JOB!!!!. They were not nearly as excited about it as I
was *chuckles* They were still filled
with high anxiety and felt like they wanted to pick up, I said that’s fine the
feeling won't kill you, it’s not comfortable or easy but you can make it
through this. They are under the
impression that the stuff I offer from my own experience is "easy"
for me to do, I had to laugh, not in a cruel way but it was amusing because that’s
exactly how I feel when my sponsors or other people tell me to do stuff, I
scornfully think yeah it’s easy for you but you’re not here right now going
through this!! But they have before and that’s
why they can offer me the advice they do.
I got a taste of what it’s like to deal with me yesterday *chuckles* all
the fears and doubts they had, I have had, some of them only a few minutes
before. I shared what I have done or
what my sponsors had instructed me to do.
I told them that it won't feel good, it’s going to feel very
uncomfortable at times but that feeling won't kill them, nor will it kill
me. And they got through it. I didn't feel so good about getting rid of
the cookie dough, but I did feel good giving service to this person. Doing the right thing didn’t feel comfortable
to me, but being of service to someone else did, my pain and suffering means
something when I go outside myself and try and help another suffering
person. I am starting to really
understand the value of service. I often
come across things in my daily life that are not program specific however they
theme is always the same, get your needs met by first helping others get theirs
met. By not being selfish and giving my
time and energy to help someone else in what they are doing, it will in turn
help me reach my own goals
Goals for the day
Pray & mediate
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Be of service when I can
Take recovery actions through the day
pray & meditate
Pray & mediate
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Be of service when I can
Take recovery actions through the day
pray & meditate
