About Me

My photo
Its day 1 of 2013. Will this be any different than yesterday? That depends on the actions I take today. I struggle with many health problems, I teeter on the edge of self-destruction, can I pull myself back? My life is broken, and I need to find the strength and courage to fix it. My physical, spiritual, and mental states are in shambles from years of addiction and self abuse. Food is my main drug of choice and it is killing me. My body is slowly breaking down due to the food abuse. If I have any hope of seeing tomorrow I need to start taking actions now. I welcome you to follow me on this journey as I struggle to find my way, to silence the demons within me, and find peace and serenity in my life. I can do this IF I am willing to put the work into it. I will share my trials and tribulations, success's and failures. Perhaps I can find a way to save my own life, and if it can help someone else with the same struggles, it would make it all the better This will be a chronicle of my journey to better health, better life, and happiness.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Blind.report.9.16.13



Good morning 

I hope this finds you well.  I was abstinent yesterday that makes 7 days of the last 8
My day was decent enough yesterday.  Mom got home last night from her vacation, which was positive and negative.  She wasn't even home 1/2 an hour and the complaining started.  It kind of threw the whole house off.  Normally when mom comes home the animal’s transition back into being with her, but because of the negative attitude in the house they followed me upstairs when I removed myself from the situation.  I am of course please to see her, but I was disappointed that things resort to business as usual so soon after her coming home. Rather than get angry about it I simply went upstairs and took myself out of the room.
I feel badly because she very much wants people to talk to through the course of her day, but I find myself feeling short with her, resentful and not really interested in what she has to say.  I know that sounds horrible but I am a solitary person.  I am content to be quiet and by myself most of the day.  I go to work or meetings and interact with people in a healthy way, the rest of the time I like my peace, I don't really say much and I keep to myself.  She on the other hand talks all day long, asks questions, complains ETC.  I don't deal well with the complaining, I do feel bad that I get automatically short with her as soon as she speaks to me and it’s something I am working on.  However I don't feel I should have to sit there and listen to her complain about the world on a daily basis, or do I? I cannot decide if its being of service to sit and listen to her talk and answer every question she throws at me, or if I am serving my own mental health by simply staying upstairs in my own area

Goals for the day

Pray & meditate (done)
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before and after my meals
Text my food sponsor before and after my meals
Be of service
Take recovery actions through the day
Pray & meditate before bed.
Work on cleaning up my area upstairs to build a peaceful and quiet place for myself.
Work on researching and educating myself on my job and future goals.
Put together a daily book of information, quotes, and other things I have been compiling so that I can read it daily and use the information
I will listen to a new speaker file today

No comments:

Post a Comment