My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering Compulsive OverEater and Addict, I was abstinent with my food but not sober in another program.
I had a good day with with my OA program, I had a few temptations here and there, I know its because my other program is out of whack. These 2 addictions have been with me since I was a small child, although they are not intertwined they seem to be closely linked. Then again it could just be when one addiction is in control the other ones seem to get antsy and want their turn.
Some days I grow weary of the life, some days the program is easy and other days not so much. I find certain days to take every ounce of strength I have and at times its not enough. Having to be on guard and vigilant every moment of the day seems to take a tremendous toll on me. The alternative is saying f*** it and doing whatever I want and waiting to die. Not that I want to die mind you, just listing my options. I know program is the only thing that will save my life and set me free, as I said its just incredibly taxing some days.
I started my day off strong following my routine/action plan. The last few days I have resisted the urge to set the alarm ahead a bit. Usually when I wake there is no use in doing this because I just lay there not really gaining anymore sleep.
I find myself watching the clock during the day just waiting for the time when I can crawl into bed, then when that time gets close I find myself messing around and not going to bed at that moment.
I am really not sure why, I am not going to “miss” anything. I just have a voice inside me saying, just one more episode on Netflix, or just one more level on your game, or just one more whatever it is I am doing.
Its my disease trying to throw me off balance, if I don't get enough sleep I seem to be weaker to its advances, then again when I do sleep X amount of hours it never seems to be enough. Kind of a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I know I am a big guy, I know that is extremely hard on my body and its not a shock to me I am tired and run down. I guess what irritates me is when I sleep 8-10 hours I feel no different than if I slept 2-6 hours. I never wake up feeling refreshed and ready to hit the day. I feel like I should at least wake up feeling good, even if it doesn't last long. I know moving around and going about my day beats me down due to the weight, just seems like I should be able to start the day with a little pep. My goal is that getting this out will lessen that burden and not put me into a “mood” today, because its here already lurking just below the surface; I can feel it festering
I'll distract myself by being of service, following my action plan, pretty much anything to keep me focused on what I need to do
Action Plan
Get up (2:30)
Pray
Read Daily Readers
Read 2 pages in BB
Have some water
Have a snack
Take a shower
Go to work (3:30)
Do meal plan
Do my report/gratitude/words
Call Phil
Print out posters for OA meeting
Have breakfast (7:30)
Watch Marvel Agents of Shield
Do 9:45 meeting, be of service
Have my snack (10:30)
Read a few pages in my VO book
Have lunch (12:30)
Straighten up the table in my room
Have my snack (if needed) (2:30)
Have supper (4:30-5pm)
Pray
go to bed (5-6pm)
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