About Me

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Its day 1 of 2013. Will this be any different than yesterday? That depends on the actions I take today. I struggle with many health problems, I teeter on the edge of self-destruction, can I pull myself back? My life is broken, and I need to find the strength and courage to fix it. My physical, spiritual, and mental states are in shambles from years of addiction and self abuse. Food is my main drug of choice and it is killing me. My body is slowly breaking down due to the food abuse. If I have any hope of seeing tomorrow I need to start taking actions now. I welcome you to follow me on this journey as I struggle to find my way, to silence the demons within me, and find peace and serenity in my life. I can do this IF I am willing to put the work into it. I will share my trials and tribulations, success's and failures. Perhaps I can find a way to save my own life, and if it can help someone else with the same struggles, it would make it all the better This will be a chronicle of my journey to better health, better life, and happiness.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

when Im gone.report.1.28.14



Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful, recovering COE and I was abstinent yesterday.
Well that statement isn’t entirely true, I sure don’t feel grateful this morning, I feel tired, cranky and pissed off.

It was an extremely long day yesterday; we were gone for about 10 ½ hours to medical appointments for mom.  We only had to travel an hour away but blinding snow, and treacherous roads made the trip that much more stressful.  Mom didn’t want to put the appointment off despite how bad the weather was.  The people on the road……Well I won’t unleash the stream of profanity that is brewing inside of me, I am grateful we made it home safely, and it was just barely thanks to a few truck drivers and delivery drivers.  One person driving a fuel delivery truck tail gated me in blinding snow, on snow covered roads, had I needed to stop for any reason I would have had a fuel truck in the front seat with me.

I was very cautious in my driving especially last night in the dark, myself and the driver in front of me decided that 35-40 miles an hour was fast enough given the fact we were driving in white out conditions most of the time.  We the A-HOLE in the tractor trailer behind us apparently was very upset, not only did they pass us on a hill, but scared the crap out of both vehicles when blasting his horn on the way bye.  Thankfully I was only startled for a minute and didn’t make any sudden moves.  I SOOOO badly wanted to catch up to him and get his company information to publicly shame him.  Apparently my HP didn’t think that was a good idea because he kept me going 35-40mph the rest of the trip.  I am a little ashamed to admit that I kind of prayed to come around a corner and see that person on his side in a ditch, not hurt of course, just wanted to see some consequences from their actions.

In the grand scheme of things it all worked out how it was supposed to, a part of me still wants a little retribution but I will get over it *chuckles* 

Actually after all that bitching I didn’t even get to the really good news, it appears my mom is cancer free.  The hospital here made an error in their report, and that error was compounded by a nurse who took it upon themselves to say in their “opinion” it looked like breast cancer.  Our family has been all upset for a week or so now, my mom has been scared to death, we risked our lives to get to an appointment yesterday that we didn’t really need to get too after all.  I might just go back to bed actually because I am pretty irate with the rest of humanity at this point *Chuckles* I thought I was pretty good this morning but after thinking about that stuff yesterday I am wound right back up.  I don’t feel like eating over it though so I am grateful for that


Plan of action
Prayed (did it soon as I woke)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to meal plan as written report any changes
Call Phil with my daily call (done)
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Make at least 2 recovery calls
Read some literature and listen to files

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